Two Months

It is now about two months since the end of my relationship, and a lot has happened. With the help of some close friends and a diary to write my thoughts and feelings in, I think I have come through this whole thing relatively unscathed. I have learned a lot about myself in this process. I feel a lot happier about myself and life now than I did even a couple of weeks ago. There have been some dark times, but I believe that the dawn has broken.

During this period I have been on an emotional roller coaster. There have been days when I have been mostly happy, and days when I have been mostly sad. I have been angry, scared, unsure, uncertain and anxious. I have been questioning my self-identity and my self worth. But there have been two overriding emotions. The first is one of loneliness following the breakup. The other has been the sense of loss for what could have been.

I have found the breakup, in many ways, to be an alienating experience. It has given me a new insight into what people undergoing a divorce must be going through. It is interesting to see where support comes from, as it is often from unexpected areas.

So, what is my next step? This is a good question, and one that cannot be easily answered. I have some good ideas, and I am starting to work through them. Part of this is doing a good spring clean on this house, throwing out stuff that I have accumulated over the years. I have gone through my cupboard, giving old clothes to charity. I have been fairly ruthless and I have more to throw out. The garage is getting the best clean it has had for a while. My office is improving to, although that mostly relies on retrieving my scanner from a friend.

I have been building up my fitness, jogging a few times a week where possible. I am up to running about three KM in about 20 minutes. Over the coming weeks I hope to build this up to over four KM in 30 minutes. I am not sure about going in the City to Surf this year, but you never know.

And on a personal side, I really think that when the right person comes along I will enter into another relationship. I did enjoy being the relationship. It was only the process of breaking up that was hard.