Humor – Notice to Visitors

Notice to all visitors:

What you are about to witness is an Amateur Radio Station, Licensed as {insert call here} by the Spectrum Management Agency in Canberra, Australia. Before you ask the questions, here are the answers

  • The total cost of all this equipment cannot be discussed as it creates marital conflict
  • No, We cannot send a message to your brother in the USA. We suggest you call Optus.
  • This is strictly a hobby. We do not have the facilities or the time to fool around with TV sets, radio’s, or HiFI equipment. We suggest you see a serviceman.
  • Yes, The antenna in the back yard is essential to the operation of the equipment.
  • The furthest station we have contacted has been in the Ugandi Land.
  • The cards on the wall are called QSL cards. They are confirmation of contacts we have made with other stations.
  • It is technically impossible for this station to interfere with television reception, telephones or stereo systems. Any interference problems of that nature are caused by design flaws in the home entertainment devices themselves.
  • An amateur radio station may only be operated by a highly qualified, technically skilled electronics expert. It takes dedication, training and intelligence to reach the level of competence that justifies one to be licensed by the Australian Government. It is therefore not considered inappropriate to show general awe, respect and obsequiousness when I discuss my hobby or operate the controls.
  • Furthermore if you are given the extreme honour of speaking into the microphone, please observe the following rules:
    • Speak in a low and soothing tone.
    • Do not disagree with me in any manner.
    • say no bad words, and tell no off colour jokes.
    • It is customary for guests to make complementary remarks about this station and its operator when talking to other hams on the air. Do not touch anything, turn any knobs, sit on equipment etc. I have lost several visitors through electrocution in the past few weeks.

Thank you for your cooperation.

From an old QST magazine.